Revelations of a Woman in Transition... Entry # 4

So I'm 7 months into the transition phase of going natural.

It's going pretty well I must say. It's gotten much easier with me using my different options for styles and what not.

I've also stumbled across some good products like Kinky Curly Knot Today, that I can use once I'm fully natural as well and some excellent tips from youtuber kimmaytube. Check out her channel:

http://www.youtube.com/user/kimmaytube?blend=1&ob=4

In the process of going natural I have stumbled across one major revelation that has helped me feel the utmost confidence in my decision to go natural.

Let me explain...

Many people don't like for Black women to have natural hair.

When asked if her liked for a woman to have natural hair, Method Man replied, "No... I don't like peasy afros... I like for a woman to get her hair did. I don't like her to have dreads and I don't like her to have a afro." (Excuse his horrid grammar)

Many times when I tell people black or white that I'm going natural they look at me like, "Umm... Why?" or like, "Eww..."

I have a white friend who regularly gives her opinion on how she likes black people's hair straight and not "bushy."

When I get reactions like that it really used to hurt my feelings and scare me into thinking that I was all of a sudden going to be ugly when I didn't have permed hair anymore.

Then it dawned on me:

Wait a minute! I say, WAIT A MINUTE!

I'm going natural FOR MYSELF! Not for anyone else.

True beauty starts from within, right?

Will I think I'm beautiful once I go natural?

Yes...

THEN WHO CARES WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS!!!!

If you remember one thing and one thing only about this blog entry, let it be this:

THE ONLY PERSON WHO YOU CAN DEPEND ON TO THINK YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL IS YOU

Everybody else is a bonus! If you truly believe you're beautiful it won't matter what anybody else thinks, because you'll know the truth.

The way I see it, if I have to kill my hair and become something I'm not to be beautiful in your eyes, then I'd rather you just not look at me! K? Thanks! :)

As a woman, to go natural takes more than just not perming your hair anymore. To me it really takes courage, inner strength and confidence to say, "Hey, everyone may not approve, and maybe I won't be as pretty to some other people, but I'm doing what's best for me and that's what's important!"

I think throughout this process I've really matured and I can honestly say,

I LOVE ME! :)

BOYCOTT LIL WAYNE!!!!

If you haven't already, read this article.


http://getwititmagazine.com/2011/01/06/lil-wayne-dont-like-black-women/


When I read this article I was ENRAGED!



Colorism can be defined as discrimination based on skin color. I wrote a 9 page paper on this very topic for my African-American History class and it is a subject of black history that has always intrigued and boggled my mind.


It is no secret that light-skinned women are put on a pedestal by the media in today’s society and it is also nothing new. The division between light and dark-skinned African-Americans dates all the way back to slavery.


Most of us know the story:


Lighter skinned slaves, usually the offspring of the slave master, were commonly house slaves, while darker skinned slaves labored in the fields. The animosity between dark and light skinned black people grew from there. After slavery was abolished the tension lingered and there was a separation between the two groups. Tests were created to determine who was “fit” to be accepted into certain clubs and churches. The brown paper bag test, for example measured a person’s skin hue against a brown paper bag. If your skin was darker you were not accepted. In another test, establishments would hang combs in the tops of doorways and if a person walked through and their hair snagged they were not admitted entrance.


Today, perhaps we aren’t doing these types of tests but how much has really changed? The majority of women we see in magazines, movies and music videos are light skinned. What does that say about how society as a whole views black women? To me it says: “Black women are not pretty unless they look as close to white as possible.” As a black woman, this offends and quite honestly hurts my feelings.


When I heard the song, “Right Above It,” I was offended by the line where Lil’ Wayne says that a black woman would look better “red,” or light-skinned. From then on he was on my bad side, but after reading that interview he is UNDER MY SHOE! That’s how little I think of him.


If I could speak to Lil’ Wayne, this is what I would say to him:


Hey IDIOT! Do you understand the hate in what you just said about your daughter? And do you understand the negative effects your statements are going to have on her when she hears them??? You just called her ugly! You are the reason little girls walk around hating the way they look and wanting to bleach their skin!! I hope parents stop allowing their kids to listen to your music(not that they should have in the first place since your lyrics are shear senselessness) because ignorance is contagious and I wouldn’t anyone gaining their view of what beauty is from you. Not to mention you yourself are a dark-skinned! So what your crude comments really say is, “I hate the way I look and I wish I was closer to Drake’s complexion.” I feel pity for you. Either get yourself together or stop speaking altogether!


If I could speak to Lil’ Wayne’s daughter I would tell her this:


YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! And don’t let your father or anyone else tell you that your dark skin makes to any less beautiful then the Mixed, Puerto Rican, Asian, or White girl standing next to you. Don’t let them take away the love you have for yourself.


I realize I’m not a dark-skinned female but I’m offended all the same. I’M SICK OF THIS SELF HATE! So let it be known that from this moment forward I STRONGLY DISLIKE Lil’ Wayne and I AM AGAINST HIS MUSIC AND WHAT IT STANDS FOR.


….Whew! I feel better now! 


If anyone would like to read the paper I wrote for my history class I’ve attached a PDF below. Take a look if this topic interests you too.

The Stain Bleach Wont Remove

The Natural Diaries... Entry # 3

It's SOO HARD!!


Okay people. This whole natural business is really getting to be a pain in the butt!


Do you understand what it's like to wash my hair??? DO YOU??!!


The thing that makes it so difficult is the fact that it's half permed hair and half natural hair, which of course I anitcipated but Gracious Goodness!


It's soo hard to comb! And don't even think about blow drying it!


I'm even scared to go to the Dominicans now because I'm afraid they can't handle it! I have this strong feeling their gonna be like, "Um... Honey, This is gonna cost you extra." I already had one bad experience with a very rude Dominican hair stylist tell me, "Mami, you need a perm." I was like, "Actually, I'm trying to go natural so..." She said, "Mmm..." Needless to say I won't be going back to that particular salon but I'm worried even the nice Dominicans will look at me like I'm crazy.


The transition phase has forced me to broaden my horizons, and look into new options for my hair.


I used to be one of those girls who was against fake hair. I was like "no that's not me! I only wear my own hair because I'm real!"


Well, let me tell ya. That girl is GONE!


This new girl has discovered the world of half wigs, lace fronts, and oh yes WEAVES! This new hair realm is actually quite awesome! It's like, I don't even have to do anything with my hair for it to look done. It's amazing!


The first time I wore my half wig, I was very nervous about the reactions I was going to get. But when the overwhelming majority saw my hair I got a lot of compliments! I also made a PROFOUND DISCOVERY!


My discovery is this:


When Black people saw my hair they said, "Oh my gosh! I love your hair!"
When White people saw my hair they said, "Oh my gosh! That's not yours is it?"


It happened time and time again. One White lady even looked at me, pointed accusingly and said, "That's not your hair!" I was like, "Umm, Shut Up."


I truly appreciate how Black people have this unspoken bond, "I know it's not yours, but who cares! It's looks great on you!" Thank you Black people.


It's ok though. I understand that the Black women's hair perplexes White people to know end. They just want to learn. They don't understand that asking or shouting, "IS THAT YOUR HAIR???" Amongst a group of people is rude and rather embarrasing. It's alright. I forgive you. A little tip for my White readers though: The next time you feel the urge to ask someone, "Is this your hair?" DON'T! Just tell them it looks nice or don't say anything at all, and go on about your business.


Anywho,
The next hair option I'm going to try is a weave. I'm quite excited about it actually! And i'll be sure to upload photos. If it looks good that is.


Until next time!

The Natural Diaries... Entry #2



How I've Been Wearing My Hair


If I Go Natural, Will Guys Still Like Me?


Before deciding to go natural, I asked myself that question time and time again. I believe that was one of the reasons I was so afraid to do so in the first place.


What if guys don't find me attractive anymore?


Although I haven't let that question stop me, I think it's still something I'll struggle with and continue to ask myself until I've completed the whole the process.


I expressed those feelings to a co-worker who was already natural. She said, "Guys will still be attracted to you. You'll just attract a different kind of guy. A more mature guy."


Her response certainly makes me feel better and makes a lot of sense.
Typical guys, if they date black women at all, will probably want someone with long, straight, relaxed hair. Someone who doesn't look as "ethnic" as perhaps someone who doesn't get perms.


And at first I was like "Oh no! No one's gonna think I'm pretty anymore." But now I ask myself, "Did I want those shallow guys in the first place?"


No! The answer is no! Who wants someone who only wants you because you look like everybody else in the world? I don't! I want someone who wants me because I'm different. Because I'm not like any other girl he's ever met. I want someone who's as deep as I am. Who is also different from the "typical guy." I want a Man not a boy.


So I can't wait to be natural and attract some real guys who are worthy of me! The REAL me.

My First Photoshoot!

What do you guys think???

Want to see a few more? Click HERE!

 

A Blossoming Photographer...

I just bought a Nikon D3000!

I'm super excited to start shooting!

This will also help me to keep you guys up-to-date visually on my progress in The Natural Diaries!

This is just a sample of what I've done since I bought the camera and there are many more examples of my work soon to come!

Keep checking back!

The Natural Diaries... Entry # 1

As many of you may know, the new trend in African American hair right now is going natural.

As for myself, I've always been one of those people who said, "I will never go natural! I need my perm!" As a matter of fact, I can't even remember life before I had a perm. That's how long I've had one.


But for the past few months I've been thinking extensively about going natural, the whole process and the outcome.


The whole reason why I've been afraid to go natural was because I didn't know what my hair was going to look like. I didn't think my hair was soft enough to curl and I didn't want to walk around look like I was living in the Seventies. But as I began doing my research and talking to people who are natural I began to see things differently.

They taught me:
1. Your hair is not nappy. That is what society has told you to make you straighten your hair.
2. Your hair will curl. If you train your hair and use the right products, there is no reason for your hair not to turn out the way you want it to.

Hearing this made me consider going natural more seriously.

The icing on the cake was when I started thinking about all the stuff I would no longer have to worry about if I didn't have a perm.

I wouldn't have to miss out on playing basketball with my friends because I didn't want to sweat my hair out.

I wouldn't have to worry about wrapping it every night.

And the BIG one: I COULD GO SWIMMING WHENEVER I WANT! I wouldn't have to sit on the side of the pool while everyone else is splashing around having a good time.

The thought of it all amazed me! I almost couldn't even imagine it!

In further reflection of the whole concept of relaxing hair, I realized how unfair it is!

White people get to wear their natural hair. Latino people get to wear their natural. Asian people, Indian people... Well... actually Indian people cut their hair off so we can wear it on our heads but you get the point!

How come everybody else gets to wear their natural hair and feel beautiful, but as soon as we try to do it and be who we really are society says, "No! Don't do it! That's ugly!"

Come on! Does that make anybody else mad?!

So I've decided that I am going to try to go natural and chronicle my progress through my blogs. I haven't had a perm since late July and I'm still going strong. It's getting a little tougher but I'm going to do my best to stick with it. I'm gonna need a lot of help and support because I honestly have no idea what I'm doing.

NATURAL SISTAS! I NEED YOU!

So keep reading and feel free to comment and tell me what to do!

Who Should Be Allowed To Use The "N" Word?

So the other day I was listening to the Russ Parr Morning Show and they played a clip of this Dr. Laura woman giving a Black woman, in an inter-racial marriage, advice about how to handle the racist comments of her husband’s white friends.

After telling the woman that she was being too sensitive about race, she proceeded to spew out the “N” word, a total of 6 times, asking why it’s only ok for black people to use it?

This is not a new question. This argument has been had many times with many different answers.

“It depends on how you say it!”

"No, white people can’t say it at all!”

“Nobody should say it. Period!”

After listening to the audio and discussing it with my friend she made an extremely valid point, but before I tell it, let’s discuss both sides of the issue.

I totally understand why those who are not black don’t get whole the concept of the usage of the “N” word.

It is true. Black people use it ALL THE TIME! In rap songs, in movies, in daily conversation, and it’s nothing. It’s the norm, so to speak.

My question is why call yourself something that you don’t want someone else to call you?

We set the example of how to treat each other. Those not in our race, learn how to interact WITH US, FROM US! So if black people are calling each other the “N” word left and right, everybody else is going to notice and be like, “Ohhh that’s how we’re supposed to talk to them! That’s how we can relate to them better. That’s the kind of language they understand.”

Eliminating the possibility that a white child has racist parents who use the “N” word regularly, where do you think white kids, in this day and age, learn how to use the “N” word in context?....

….

….

FROM US!

FROM BLACK PEOPLE!

Rap songs, movies, and everyday conversation is where they learn to call us the words that we don’t want to be called. So, since we’re the ones teaching them, can we justifiably get offended when they do what they’re taught?

Catching my drift?...

Now back to the valid point my friend made and the other side of the issue.

When one fat friend calls the other fat in a joking manner, it’s ok. But if a skinny person calls a fat person fat in ANY manner, it’s rude.

If I’m going on about how my mother gets on my nerves and I say, “My mother is so dumb!” That’s one thing. But if you say, “You’re mother is so dumb,” I’m gonna look at you like…

¬_¬
“Don’t talk about my mother like that…”

My point is, people who are of the same group or who can relate to each other on a certain level, like friends, family, or even race can say certain things that people who are not a part of that group cannot.

This is how some black people feel about the use of the “N” word. Like if there’s a group of black people vibin’ and they throw the “N” word around and they’re laughing and having a good time but then a white person comes over and is like, “Whats up my n-“ it’s like you can hear the record stop. It throws off the flow a bit, ya know what I mean?

Now that I’ve explained both sides, I’ll share my personal opinion on the matter.

Personally, I don’t believe the “N” word should be used by anyone at all. I just think it’s a bad word all around that still carries the negativity of it’s origin.

Not to say that I’ve never used the word in my life, but as a general rule, I try to stay away from bad words in general.

That’s my stance on the issue.

I digress…

Adventures in NYC!... The Beautiful, The Magical, and the Weird...

So this weekend I took my fourth and absolute BEST trip to New York City.

As everyone already knows, New York is a beautiful and Magical city.
What’s also no news to anyone is that if you visit New York, you’re bound to see some interesting things…

For example, the most entertaining things always happen in the Subway.

Riding the subway is one of those things I look forward to when I come to NY. This may sound strange to the native New Yorker, but whenever I ride it, I really bask in it because it makes me feel like a New Yorker myself. I just feel so darn cool!
Anyway,

Every time I go to New York, it never fails that most of my laughs are had on the subway.

On my last trip, there was an elderly, blind man walking up and down the train car with his bucket in one hand and his cane in the other singing, “IF YOU WANT MY BODY AND YOU THINK I’M SEXY, COME ON SUGA LET ME KNOW!”

This most recent trip was no such letdown! On my second day in the subway I sat next to this woman and her baby. This baby was two things that I don’t like the babies I sit next to, to be.

1. Dirty!
2. Bad!

Alright now when I say dirty, I don’t mean he stunk, or that his clothes were a mess. I mean his face and hands were covered with food crumbs.

And this subway was packed, so I was sitting rather close to this woman and her child. And the baby kept looking at me…

I just kept thinkin’, “That baby better not touch me…”

And then little bad thing was beating up his mother!

He kept punching her in the head and smacking her in the face.
You know how awkward it is to sit next to a person while they’re getting beat up?

She kept saying, “No! No! You don’t beat your mommy up!”

Then he would smack her in the face and laugh again.

I just looked away… Pretended I didn’t see…

Hey, what could I do?

Tisk. It’d be a shame if I had witnessed the onset of domestic violence…

So on my third and final night in NY these three ladies got on the subway and two of them sat down while one was still in the process of getting into her seat. Then, suddenly, the train pulled off while the woman was in mid-stand, and she fell over onto the man next to her. And I mean she fell ONTO THIS MAN! Her whole butt was in this guy’s lap.

Me and my group of people were sitting right across from the ladies when the two sitting down busted out laughing.

Me and my friend were already trying our best not to laugh but when we saw them laughing we busted out laughing too.

You know how hard it is not to laugh when you’re actually TRYING not to laugh.

Well the whole ride we were TRYING not to laugh but nothing helped. Well looking at the poor lady looking embarrassed helped a little…

Ok, not really…

We laughed at this poor woman the whole ride back to the hotel, but it made us feel better that her friends were laughing right along with us.

Mm mm mm… Poor lady…

All in all, my trip was AMAZING! I took a couple tours, went to Madame Tussaud’s and best of all got to make some great new friends.

Look out New York! You might just have a new resident blogger on your hands!

How Do You React When... (originally published July 17, 2010)

People do things sometimes that put me in an awkward position…

For example…

How do you react when…

Say there is a tall man, perhaps about 6’3. And as he begins telling you his order, he proceeds to lay his body across the glass where the ice cream is, reach his arm over and into the ghea(this is what holds the ice cream) to point to which flavor he wants.

Now imagine you’re about 5’3 and female and you’re standing right behind the ice cream. So now this man is abnormally close to you, perhaps you even feel that he’s popped your personal space bubble.

What do you do? How do you respond?

 Or how do you react when…

There is extremely affectionate couple in line. They can’t keep their hands off of each other, and their kissing even as you’re taking their order. At one point, the man even slaps the woman on the butt.

How do you respond to that? Is it wrong to feel uncomfortable?

 What about this? How do you react when…

It comes time to ring up your party and as soon you start to take one person’s money the person next to them starts jabbing a credit card at your knuckles saying, “No! Don’t take his money! I’m paying!”

Now you’re all confused. Whose money do you take? You’re asking yourself this all the while the two people are arguing about who’s gets to pay.

Is it just me? Or are these situations awkward? How would you react?

You Know You Know Me! (originally published July 20, 2010)

Everybody likes Coldstone Creamery. All different people from all different walks of life.

So many times I end up waiting on people that I haven’t seen in years.

Old teachers, High school friends, old co-workers, old enemies, even people I went to elementary school with.

Usually when I see somebody that I used to know, especially someone I went to school with, all my memories of that person, including their name (first and last) are restored to my brain…

I’m not a stalker I just have a good memory…

Anywho…

When I see this person I remember them instantly and for a moment I can see on their face that they remember me too, so my first reaction is a smile and a familiar “Hi!” Not the normal “Hi, what can I get for you?” But the kind of greeting you give someone you know and haven’t seen in a long time.

But their response after I give them that greeting is usually, “Hi, can I get…” like they forgot all about ever knowing me.

Now I feel dumb because I was actually trying to strike up a conversation and the person obviously doesn’t want to.

This is my thought process, raw and uncensored. Please excuse the improper grammar.

Hey that’s Jane Smith! We were in Ms. Paul’s class together in fifth grade

We used to sit next to each other. She took my pen that one time, then I took it back and she told Ms. Paul that I stole her pen.

Oh yeah, now I remember. I hated her.

Oh well, I’ll say hi anyway.

“Hi!”…

Mhmm... She’s just gonna act like she doesn’t know me? That’s cool.

Now I look dumb trying to be all nice. We ain’t that old. 5^th grade wasn’t that long ago! 

Why you frontin’ girl! You know you know me!

So then I just go through the process of waiting on the customer like I never knew them.

I ring them up, “Have a nice day!” I say, and that’s that.

Or there is another scenario…

 Maybe she really didn’t remember me.

Hmm…

Something to ponder I suppose…